


This'll Have To Do

by Nontalent



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 06:21:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nontalent/pseuds/Nontalent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Castiel's tone has gotten a whole lot softer since he first took over Jimmy’s body. He’s been through hell and gotten out okay, Jimmy knows that, but still, he can’t help but worry a little. Who knew angels could get to be so fragile, huh?"</p><p>A normal moment alone between Castiel and his vessel, Jimmy, becomes complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This'll Have To Do

"Castiel, you there?”  
“…Yes, I’m here.”

Jimmy frowns, or at least he thinks he does, it’s hard to tell who’s doing what these days. He doesn’t mind that much though.

“Would you like some time?” says the voice in Jimmy’s head. Castiel’s tone has gotten a whole lot softer since he first took over Jimmy’s body. He’s been through hell and gotten out okay, Jimmy knows that, but still, he can’t help but worry a little. Who knew angels could get to be so fragile, huh?

The man waits a moment, trying to extend his feeling in the body to gauge just how tired the burning light within him is. He’s gotten used to working like this.

In the few precious moments of peace the angel had found over the last couple months, he’d often retreated to a secluded motel room or to the ones where the Winchester boys slept soundly and allowed Jimmy a few moments of freedom. The first time he’d done it, Jimmy had been so elated he’d actually made Castiel chuckle a bit before withdrawing to God knows where – probably some dark corner in the recesses of their shared mind. The burning light that was Castiel had disappeared with him, and for a moment Jimmy had thought he was free. He wasn’t, of course, but that was okay. The fleeting autonomy was much needed and appreciated nevertheless. After a few times, though, Jimmy noticed how faded the light seemed after their switches. He felt like a real ass when he realized just how much energy it was taking out of his companion to perform that stunt, so he stopped asking for it.

Still, Castiel insisted on offering, so Jimmy learned to sense the angel’s levels of exhaustion so he’d know when it was safe enough and not too self-centered to take the offer.

“Not right now,” he finally replies, “it’s okay.” 

“I think you should, it’s been approximately thirty seven days since you were last out.”

“I’m alright, honestly,” Jimmy says, trying to keep his thoughts blank so Cas won’t see just how much he really does want to say yes. He’s a pretty awful liar though.

“I’ll give you an hour.”

“I said I’m alright,” Jimmy insists, the frustration within him is at near boiling point. Sometimes he wishes Cas would take better care of himself. “Listen, just give me like, I dunno, hands or something.”

“I can’t just give you certain parts of your body,” Castiel answers, sounding bemused.

“Ugh fine, but you don’t have to leave okay? It’s fine if you’re here too.”

“Doesn’t that subtract from the experience?”

“No, c’mon – Cas, just stay.” Jimmy feels his eyebrows involuntarily knit in confusion, but eventually his shoulders shrug as Castiel agrees.

There’s a moment of tenseness and blistering heat before the man finds himself eased into control of his body. It feels weird with both of them at the front of his consciousness, almost like he’s too full, but he can deal with it as long as he knows its making it a bit easier on the angel. And, indeed, he can feel the way Cas relaxes.

 Not having to be in control but also not having to squeeze himself into nonexistence leaves Cas with a strange sense of liberation despite the fact that he’s still inside a human’s body. It’s like he’s nestled in some warmth state of mind, and he vaguely thinks it feels like a home.

“You okay Castiel?” Jimmy asks out loud for the first time, still getting used to being back.

“Yes,” Cas replies before yawning so fiercely that it causes Jimmy to yawn too. When they both stop, Jimmy laughs. ‘ _Such a pleasant sound’_ Cas thinks happily before remembering that the fact that his human counterpart doesn’t laugh often is his fault. The angel was selfish for taking such a good man as his vessel. It wasn’t as though he’d had much of a choice but still. Selfish.

“It’s not your fault,” he hears Jimmy murmur in response, having picked up on Castiel’s thoughts.

“Sorry,” the angel says, apologizing not for the thought itself but rather for the fact that he knows it must’ve brought up some painful memories for the man, such as his old life, his home, his _wife_. The last one irks him for some unexplainable reason, but he settles his mind and makes sure that that thought at least doesn’t slip through.

“It’s really not your fault, I asked for this, remember?” Jimmy cuts in, “I prayed for this,” he pauses, “and honestly, I’m glad to help.”

“It shouldn’t be your burden to bear,” Cas responds curtly, trying to hide his guilt.

“It’s not yours either,” Jim says, clearly frustrated, “and yet here we are.” His voice is loud and sarcastic. He lets out a long breath and allows his shoulders to slump, trying to regain some control over his temper. Castiel has a knack for doing this to him.

“…You know what I’ve done,” the angel finally says, sounding miserable, “you were there.”

“Jesus Christ Castiel!” Jimmy explodes, all pretense of calmness gone, “you did the best you could! Yeah, you got a little, I dunno, sidetracked, messed up, whatever, but you’re only _one_ angel.”

“I killed a lot of people, I let out the leviathan, I – I tried to play _God_.” It’s only at times like these and only ever with Jim that Cas speaks like this, displaying all of his shame. Although the man is glad to know they’ve gotten this close, his irritation at Cas’s self-loathing mounts dangerously. 

Jimmy is silent for a moment before he says, “God abandoned us. Someone had to try."

“I took you away from your family, how can you forgive me for that?” Castiel knows it’s a low blow, but it’s about time he said it. Of all his regrets, the wrong he’s done to his vessel is probably at the top of the list.

“They were going to leave me anyway."

It’s silent for a moment while the two meditate on this bitter thought. Castiel’s mind repeats a mantra of ‘ _my fault my fault my fault’_ while Jimmy’s stays nearly blank, almost comfortably so.

“I have to make it up to you,” Cas says eventually, compensating for his hesitation by sounding determined when he finally does speak.

“Huh? No you don’t, it’s fine. This is above me anyway. Saving the world, working with the Winchesters, it’s all a whole lot more important than a single Mr. Novak,” Jimmy responds with a sad laugh.

“All of God’s children matter,” Comes Cas’s immediate retort, “I’m going to make it up to you.”

“Really? How?” Jimmy asks, amused. He smiles a bit, wondering what it is the angel has in mind. ‘ _Probably something ridiculous’_ He thinks.

“Well…” Cas begins, letting his words trail off as he gathers his thoughts, “I cannot promise you anything grand. The fact of the matter is that this is a fixed situation between us, at least for now. But I can try to make things more, um, appealing?” The questioning lilt at the end of his proposal intrigues Jimmy, so he mentally signals for Cas to go on. “I mean, pleasures, I could… I – I,” Cas’s voice is breaking now as he quickly dissolves into a stuttering mess, “I could provide pleasures of the flesh!” he finally rushes out. Jimmy stops breathing for a moment as he lets the words sink in, feeling a blush creep up his neck and across his face. The burning light within him intensifies, as if Cas is experiencing the same thing.

“O – oh God Cas, no you don’t have to do that, it’s fine I don’t need that kind of thing anymore, I’m –”

“Your body is still human and it still has some, um, reactions…"

“Castiel STOP,”

“stop stop stop stop stop!”

“I’d be happy to… assist?”

“Oh my _God_ ,” Jimmy groans as he buries his head in his hands, hiding his face, which he knows must be bright red, and trying desperately to escape the angel’s words. “Please never say that again,” he pleads weakly after a minute.

“No, look, I can help!” Cas insists, his voice high and embarrassed. Without much forewarning, Jimmy suddenly feels his left arm go numb before it begins to move on its own.

“Castiel!” he shouts, trying to take back control, “I thought you said you couldn’t do this kind of thing!”

“Just sit still,” comes Cas’s response, his tone very concentrated. Rooted to the spot, Jimmy watches, terrified, as his own hand creeps up to the junction between his legs and undoes the zipper on his pants.

“Fuck, Cas, don’t,” he tries to say, but chokes on the words when his fingers wraps around the base of his cock, pulling it out for him to see. It isn’t an uncommon sight. Sure, he hasn’t touched himself since he’d found out angels were real, but he’s a full-grown man and has had plenty of experience with masturbating. This though, this is different. It isn’t just him now, it’s _Castiel_ touching him.

“I’ve never done this before, so please bear with me,” Cas requests, overly polite like he’s trying to draw some new symbol and not jerking off his human vessel.

“Shut up Cas, _o – oh_ ” Jimmy whines as the angel spreads a drop of precome across the head. He knows they shouldn’t be doing this, this definitely isn’t something angels and their vessels do together, but he can’t help the little begs that escape his mouth asking ‘ _please Cas, more’_. The light within him is so severe and scorching that he thinks he might burn right up, but it only adds to his urgency as he lends himself over wholly to the angel, _his_ angel, and allows his mind to relish every stroke.

“You’re very beautiful,” Castiel says in a hushed tone, the hand he’s commandeered moving faster as his voice fills with unmistakable need, “so very beautiful.” That comment is all it takes to send Jimmy over the edge, crying out the angel’s name as he doubles over, uncaring of the come now splattered on the stomach of his dress shirt. It’s fast, but he’s been nearly a year without release. The heat within him escalates at the same time he does, ablaze for a flash before coming down to Castiel’s normal temperature. With shaky legs, Jimmy gets up from the small couch in the room and carries them over to the bed then lies down with his arms spread wide like a man being crucified.

“Thanks for that,” he says breathlessly.

“You’re welcome,” Cas replies, sounding awkward.

There’s a long moment of silence before Jimmy speaks again. “I don’t want this to just be you helping me,” he murmurs, sounding unsure of himself, “I don’t want it to just be like some business transaction.”

“What shall we call it then?” Cas asks curiously.

“I dunno, I just,” Jimmy pauses, searching for the right words. Right now, nothing else matters but Castiel – not his old life, not what’s ahead of them, nothing, only the angel. He needs the right words. Slowly he says, “I think I might love you Cas.” There is a long pause, and Jimmy begins to twist the bed sheets beneath him while he waits for a response, his nervousness excruciating.

“This is going to be very complicated,” Cas says finally, “but I do believe I love you too.” Jimmy’s face breaks out in a dopey grin and he shuts his eyes, focusing on the light inside him that he swear he can almost sense smiling.

“Wish I could kiss you,” he babbles, feeling light-headed and drunk on near satisfaction.

“Oh God,” Castiel squeaks, his heat flares up again, making the flush he’s experiencing obvious.

‘ _So cute,’_ Jimmy thinks, letting himself sink into contentment despite everything.

For now, this’ll have to do.

             
 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what to say. Jimstiel was a joke until it wasn't, and then I wrote this fricking fic and now have a lot of feelings for this pairing wow.  
> Anyway, feedback would be cool.  
> Thanks for reading ★~(◠︿◕✿)


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